November 13, 2011


Between the windstorm going on outside and the heart-storm going on inside, sleep is proving elusive tonight.

He has been speaking to my heart about His children.  I struggle much and often with materialism, yet recently, God's words of Grace have reminded me of so many out there who have so little and need so much spiritually.  While I am filled to overflowing, both materially and spiritually, children want and helpless mothers ache.  I get caught up in the entitled American dream game and find myself discontent with more than some will ever have.  Meanwhile, others sleep on dirt floors attempting to ignore hunger pains.

Who am I that I should have so much?

"The more He uses me in the lives of others... the more I share His wisdom... 
the more I understand how very little I understand about His great and mysterious ways.  
Me wretched.  Him magnificient.  Me He works through."

Wretched.  It's not a self-piteous statement.  It's a comparative statement.

After the company Alejandro worked for went under last year, and we struggled to pay bills, I wondered why God didn't bless us with more.  My plea for answers was met with silence.  But recently, an answer came.

Now you know how to live on less.  
Which means you can give more.

I've started to dream differently.  I've started to think about how much we could give away if we had more to give.  I've started to imagine using increased resources, not for new luxuries, but to spread His love to the most hurting.  It is starting to feel less like contemplating sacrifice and more like a deep longing in my heart.  

Do you love me?  
Feed my sheep. 

How I long to.  How I long to take you all with me.  To meet needs.  To hold hands.  To give bread.  To give Life.  To do so as His Church together.  To See more and deeper.  Into hearts and into Him. To shed Light.

Not so that they or you would look at me, but so that they and you would look at Him.  Deeper.  Longer.  Truer.  Sometimes for the first time.  

Do you know this all-consuming, gripping, obsessive, enveloping Love that keeps you awake at night?  

Come to me, you who are weary and heavy-burdened and you will find rest for your souls.

Be still.  KNOW - on a heart level - that I am God.

I have come so that the captives may be set free.  
So that the poor may be rich and blind may See.

Invite in the Greatest Lover of all time.  Catch the obsession.