In April, when I started the Director-In-Qualification program, I released myself from any commitment to this blog, knowing that I'd have to learn time management in a whole new way. In retrospect, I haven't had to learn all over in quite such a drastic way, but not knowing what was coming, I am glad I made the decision to allow myself a break if it ended up that way.
The sheer magnitude of what I've learned and how I've grown in the past 12 weeks are staggering I can't believe it's only been 3 little months since the night of crying and praying and a passionate decision that now's the time.
It's been good to process all of this - and I realize I´m being vague about what the all of this is that I´m talking about - in a more private way. There have been moments of soaring and moments in which the Lord has dealt with me swiftly and sternly and humble apology has been necessary to those close to me. But now, it's time for a change once again and I realize I am ready and needing the write again.
Sometimes I need it as much as I need to breathe. It is truly the way God wired me.
There has been, of course, been writing I've done privately and for only my eyes, but I have found that I write differently when I know someone will be reading it besides me. It's more coherent, more unified, and I end up hearing God through that writing differently and sometimes more clearly through it. Not always. But often. So thank you for being my audience and for walking this journey with me.
It's Father's Day. Alejandro is still sleeping at 9:30 a.m. and Danny and I have been in his room for about two hours. I've been reading my favorite bloggy authors and finding the distinction of my written voice again and he's been immersed in the wonder of imaginative play.
In this pink journey, we need 9 more women to become active Mary Kay consultants and $9,000 in orders. We're all working together and these women are becoming my sisters, my friends, my family. I am so grateful for them.
I had the joyful (or not) experience of my first MRI with contrast this week. (Read: they inject lydocane and dye into my shoulder joint so as to better see what's wrong in there.) The pain that started in February hasn't gone away so we're digging deeper to figure out what's going on.
And then on Wednesday we very suddenly and very tragically lost a family member. The grief has cut deep and it hit hard and I've been intentionally delving into the grieving process at certain parts of the day/week so that I can shut it off and be a mom and a mentor for the rest.
Thursday morning I couldn't stop the tears for the dozenth time. Danny was quiet until I got off the phone and then said to me tenderly, "T's'okay Mama."
Tearfully, I said, "Thank you Bubba. I love you."
"I wuv a you."
A smile crossed my face for the first time that morning. This was the first time he said it voluntarily. I walked over to him and bent down to hug him.
Just in case I hadn't heard the first time, he smiled sweetly and said, "I wuv a you."
I hugged him tightly.
"Mama yook!" And he turned to involve me in his next toy car adventure.
Toy cars are one of his biggest love languages.
He hasn't said those precious three words (or for him it's four) since, but I'll hold that moment tender in my heart for the rest of my life. Love is of course known and known fully, but love declared is so much more glorious.
I hope to write again soon... These next weeks will bring with them miracles in my business, a third birthday for my little one, my mother-in-law for three weeks, a college friend from Germany, July 4th fireworks, camping, and lots of work in the back yard, and I want to remember these days as I walk through them.
But for now, it's Father's Day, and my little boy wants to show his Papa his toy boat. So off I go to breakfast and a day with my boys.